*A fifteen minute standup comedy routine by Ryan Moore at the annual gala dinner during Longines Hong Kong International Races.
*Danny Nikolic popping up as The Bachelor.
*RNSW booking a Milli Vanilli tribute band to attract millennials to the races.
*A new training partnership between Gai Waterhouse and Gary Moore. The blowing of hot air kisses alone on a race day is a very very scary thought.
*Part-time singer and full-time Irish jockey Neil Callan appearing on the X Factor. He wows judges with a subversive version of “Unchained Melody” backed by his good mate Zac Purton on finger snaps and golf clubs.
*Donald Trump being appointed the new CEO of Racing Victoria. Wait: That might not be such a bad idea. The Donald could walk around, look at all the deadweight still hanging in there, and say, “You’re fired!” Or else build a wall around the joint and not let anyone out.
*Peter Moody playing Santa Claus at the Emerald Hotel. Buck naked. His personal elves will be various assorted retired jockeys. Also buck naked.
*Nick Columb taking over as Chairman of Racing Australia and RNSW from John Messara. and immediately erects statues of himself at Randwick, Rosehill, Hawksbury, Gosford, Newcastle, Kembla and Canterbury.
*Sammy Hyland booked for a lightweight ride in the Melbourne Cup.
*Nash Rawiller appears on Celebrity Chef, but is chewed up and spat out by Gordon Ramsay for only being able to cook chow fan.
*The Twitter war between jockeys Tommy Berry and Neil Callan reaches a new level of entertainment when newbie to the social medium @NickColumb joins in.
*Shane RS Dye, below with those piercing red eyes, and Brent Thomson pop up on television screens trying to woo the latest Bachelorette. Both boys use the same line: We have loads of experience with ex wives.
*Not to be outdone by Neil Callan on The X Factor, Zac Purton creates Golfcart Karaoke.
*Lady GaiGai goes on Twitter to tell punters not to back any of her horses as they’ve all been working like donkeys, they’re slow, and no jockey wants to ride them, but how she’s just so fabulously excited about her new racing app called The Bottoms Up named after new training partner Adrian Bott. Lady GaiGai remains tight lipped about plans to launch her new drinky poo named The Hot Waterbottle.
Any other ideas that might strike fear in your hearts when it comes to the topsy turvy world of racing are very much welcomed.