THE “WHERE’S WALDO?” AWARD

HKJC’S SIMULTANEOUS BROADCASTS

They’re everywhere and nowhere- ATV World, ATV HD, NOW Channel 63, NOW Channel 668- by the way, 668 is also a well-known local sex-for-sale website so one guesses, punters can get screwed either way- and on and on it goes with, at least on the English broadcasts, host JoJo McKinnon and her guests listening to orders coming through on their microphones while looking like deer caught in the headlights.

Often these broadcasts offer far more entertainment value than many of the races.

THE “BORN TO WIN” AWARD

VINCENT CY HO

This was an award hastily decided after Vincent Ho’s tough, competitive and very good ride on Caspar Fownes’ Born To Win which had an almost, well, spasmodic Mr Bean-like effect on Joao Moreira aboard 2 to 1 race favorite Vara Pearl.

Vara Pearl was vara ordinary as Vincent- a very underrated jockey- held his ground and got the 50 to 1 pop on home on Sunday as the Magic dissipated and looked all at sea and like an octopus looking for its tentacles.

THE PACKING LLAREGYB AWARD

ZAC PURTON

Call him cocky, arrogant, brash, call him and his missus “Hong Kong’s Becks and Posh”, but also call him fucking good as The Zac Attack gives as good as he gets, just puts his head down- no, no, not on the chopping block- and gets down to the business of winning while his groupies, whom he wouldn’t know from a bar of soap, chant, Oi, Oi, Oi hoping for a nudge, a wink, or most of all, a Retweet.

THE “SAY CHEESE” AWARD

BILL NADER, HKJC DIRECTOR OF RACING

Seldom have we seen any racing executive anywhere in the world being just sooooo busy posing for photos.

One would almost think Billy Nader has nothing else to do?

THE “BIG SUSPENDERS” AWARD

A TIE: JOAO MOREIRA AND NEIL CALLAN ( CAMEO APPEARANCE BY ALVIN NG)

We think Irishman Neil Callan and Brazilian Joao Moreira have spent more time on the sidelines than riding in races.

It boggles the mind when doing the maths and seeing how many more winning rides they could have had if not for being strapped down by big suspenders.

Sadly, the same can’t be said about apprentice Alvin Ng. Suspenders or not, he simply finds it tough to win.

THE “BLAZING SADDLES BAKED BEANS” AWARD

NEIL CALLAN

Just when he might have been thinking that the world was against him, Tony Cruz offers him the ride and “Furio” Callan rides Blazing Speed to Group 1 glory by taking out The Champions and Chater Cup.

After that, it was back to getting into his big suspenders, kicking his boots off, and waiting for whatever else might be served his way before the season ends.

THE NAPOLEONIC MILITARY RETREAT AWARD

STEVEN LO

These have been tough times for billionaire businessman and horse owner Steven Lo, who is convicted of money laundering and corruption, is shown the red card as convenor of local football club South China and then sees his champion horse- Military Attack- give a rather blunted performance in the Swingabore International Cup.

To make matters even more frightening, he seems to be having more bad hair days than Donald Trump. And Napoleon.

THE CAGED LION AWARD

ANONYMOUS HORSE OWNER

The night started out at Goodfellas above Woolamaloo on D’Aguilar with a few ladies sipping sugar martinis and the occasional private lap dance before the congenial host decided to move his party to our old mate Sunny’s more exclusive club down in LKF- the one where one can dance like the Wolf Of Wall Street in a suspended cage with a lady of your choice.

Alas, the earth shook when the host entered the dark side, the girl shrieked in terror, he tried to Moondance, the cage wobbled and dropped and, thank gawd, there were no cameras around.

If not, the results could be more embarrassing than the photos that have made the rounds for two years of some well-known racing individuals in the throes of excitement at Amazonia, The Fire House, Rio, Escape and Neptune 3 in Wanchai.

Of course, much will happen between now and the end of the season, and more awards will be given out- mostly for dubious achievements.

Any ideas for possible nominees will always be welcomed.