Frankly, we’ve been thinking of the words “simultaneous broadcast” and wondering how many people know what the hell it is and which egghead came up with this brain teaser?
It’s like many of us not knowing a simulator from a stimulator.
In horse racing parlance, a simultaneous broadcast means being able to watch a race in another country at the same time as where you are- which means you are watching these races- simultaneously.
Does anyone have another word for simultaneously?
Perhaps it’s just us, but it sounds like simulating the sex act just as we get the Race Simulator mixed up with the Race Stimulator, something we’re working on with plans to sell it to the HKJC as something that can be placed on whoopee cushions for a stimulating customer experience.
Anyway, the obvious reasons for watching these simultaneous broadcasts is to see how local horses might be faring overseas, to have a wager on them or any other horse you might fancy, watch different riders in action, see horses from other racing jurisdictions- all of this being good homework if and when any of these jockeys or horses were to participate in any Hong Kong races.
For example, on Sunday, six races from Japan were part of one of these simultaneous broadcasts and with one of them featuring Lord Kanoala, the world’s champion sprinter, and which might make its presence felt in Hong Kong during the International Races if the owners don’t decide to retire their champ.
In Hong Kong, the Queen of Simultaneous Broadcasts is JoJo McKinnon, the Oprah of horse racing.
Never knowing what- or who- to expect on her shows and always wondering if Tom Cruise might show up and jump all over JoJo- the set has no room for a sofa- we believe some of the below could happen along with our exclusive tips on how to enjoy these broadcasts in more stimulating ways.
* You get to ogle at “host with the most” Jo McKinnon for over two hours. This might sound creepy and like a plot for Criminal Minds, but you can wear a tuxedo, hold a bouquet of flowers, have Misty playing in the background and actually speak to Jo while she is simulating to camera.
Who cares if what she says has nothing whatsoever to do with what you’re asking her.
You, my friend, know in your totally freaky mind, that you’re on a date with Jo McKinnon.
* If a design student, these simultaneous broadcasts are a MUST to watch as shown are everything that’s wrong with design- but this ‘cos the sets are designed by the ATV canteen and come free with the cheese sandwiches.
It’s where nothing matches anything and JoJo looks as if she is the special guest at the Mad Hatter’s tea party.
* The Big Man- racecaller Darren Flindell aka Gulliver- co-hosts a simultaneous broadcast with JoJo and both end the broadcast by hi-fiving each other and, in the process, bring down the roof of the set.
On this subject, do try and catch a promo spot for Racing To Whine where the The Three Amigos hi-five each other and with two of the Amigos needing ladders to reach The Big Man’s upheld hand.
It’s like Manuel and Dudley Moore trying to hi-five Basil Fawlty.
* Watch when jockey Matty “Pyro” Chadwick is a guest.
Known for setting off fire alarms by banging his head on walls after a bad ride, there is always a chance that Matty might freak out about something, bang the table and short circuit the entire broadcast.
* To liven things up, Russell Brand joins JoJo for the simultaneous broadcast from Dubai and manages to offend everyone- the jockeys, trainers, the sheiks, Terry Spago, David Raphael- that was easy- Francesca Cumani, Jim McGrath etc.
Ratings soar and Brand joins Racing To Win as Guest Interviewer where his interviews with Karis Teetan and Dougie Whyte- conducted naked- are deemed “offensive” by the local censors but go viral on YouTube.
* Sit in front of the television, hold you breath, and see how long you can repeat the word “simultaneous” without passing out.
* Go to a pretentious cocktail party, try and seek out socialite Bonnie Gokson and use the word ” simultaneous” as many times as you can and tell the old dear that you’d like to commingle with her.
And now, go forth and be simultaneous- and stimulating.