“Easy Gold had a fantastic last season last season.” Corporal Brett “The Scarecrow” Davis reporting from the HKJC Starship Racing To Win.
When we heard Thunderbird Captain “Starsky” Hutchison bellow from the HKJC’s Good Ship Lollipop that is the Starship Racing To Win that “They have taken all their gear off”, we woke up with electricity running through our veins. Yes, it was another episode of that tribute to Thunderbirds Are Go cleverly disguised as a tipping programme. The tipping, one can take or leave. Mostly leave ‘cos it can get fucking confusing. But the repartee between Starsky, Hutch and Huggie Bear is priceless.
Confusing, but priceless.
“Get ready for a bumpy ride, boys.”
There was some befuddlement about the jackpot to the Triple Trio by the crew mixed with references to Major Dazzler and his knowledge of Hong Kong beaches,all this while bedecked in those now-familiar barber shop quartet pink and white candy striped shirts designed by Sam The Tailor which makes this show quite trippy cult television that transcends racing and embraces a pot pourri of surrealism and even cubism.
“Nooooo, I want to sing out the high numbers!” The Racing To Win Trio- and stranger- argue about who’s to tip what.
Away from the Starship Racing To Win, we springboarded, head-first, to the first Happy Wednesday meeting of the season. Of course, all the venues were full and we found ourselves in the refuge and soft bosom of Adrenaline, the very cool club at Happy Valley racecourse.
We like the venue as it’s unpretentious unless one has yobs that make it uncool. Sadly, there were a few Yahoo Henrys and some Darkie Toothpastes who felt the urge to believe that all the world was their stage. It’s not, mates and we had great satisfaction in stealing your taxi from under your very noses whilst you engaged in pats on the back, slapping the old knees and making right Bros of yourselves. Didn’t all this jive end with Shaft?
On the floor above, CSL 1010, the sponsors of the quite daft-to-understand CSL 1010 Million Challenge were having their press confab, of sorts and proclaiming their continued sponsorship- sorry, we’re starting to snore- of this oft-confused and much-neglected event. Does anyone of us seriously care about a “millions challenge” where we have zero chance of winning a million or any kinda participation??? Sure, as usual, they rang some big bell to announce the start of this challenging challenge and everyone smiled for the photo opps, but fuck knows how this so-called “challenge” is any challenge to consumers. It’s an elitist event which not even most trainers and owners quite comprehend.
Okay, who’s the cardboard cut-out?
1010, also responsible for the most baffling ad campaign Hong Kong has seen in many a full moon with some of the most fugly male models we have seen- are they meant to represent the average Chin, Chan or Wong?- have a mortgage on this Millions Challenge that even us casual racegoers, well, we don’t give a fuck about.
Surely, 1010 can use their marketing dollars more wisely by, for a big instance, sponsoring the Jockeys Challenge and have this be a win-win situation for all- including consumers?
Okay, again, we ask, who’s the cardboard cut-out?
As for the racing on the night, well, Dougie Whyte drew another blank and, again, not winning on another odds-on pop- Tour De Force- whereas the Zac [Purton] Attack carried off from where he left off last weekend and won the Jockeys Challenge by riding a double. If he keeps this up, vying for that 13th Jockeys Championship might be more difficult than first imagined for the Whyte man. Having said this, never underestimate him. He has stuff up his pants most would pant after. And no, we have no idea what any of that meant.
Dougie Whyte is in this picture. Find him and win nothing.
As for the winners, well, “Porky” Clark confounded probably himself and trainer Richard Gibson by winning on the 40 to 1 pop Diamond Elegance in Race 7 whereas our friend Flicka aka Dougie Whyte, on the red-hot favorite Tour De Force, managed to come off the pace and run into third place more like a tour de farce. Alas, like Amber Sky on the weekend, one has to wonder if being a masochist and following the Whyte man on everything he rides is throwing caution to the wind and good money going after bad along with it? Fuck knows, but he’s barred from any of our future bets.
“Okay, I own up. I f***ed up another Six Up. Sowwy.”
Elsewhere, we met some rather scrumptious Toffee English birds who came within a whisker- hmmm, whisker????- of shagging- sorry, snagging the Six Up Bonus- and at their first attempt at placing ANY bet anywhere in the world. Hell, legs AND brains! The problem was just how sour they became after the Whyte man let them down in Race 7. Guess, they’ve barred him for life. We’ve just barred him until he gets his mojo working and does an Austin Powers and asks us, “Do I make you horny, babies?” At the moment, sorry no. It’s all been pretty flaccid.
What else? Well, Sam The Tailor whose sartorially splendid designs created those candy-coloured clowns they call the Sandmen on the Good Ship Racing To Win Lollipop, had the favorite running in Potential and Race 4 of the evening. It never ran to it’s potential. We seriously doubt it has any.
“F*** off, Sam, NO candy-stripes for me, Okay?”
Bottom line: It was a decent enough meeting- certainly better than having a punt in Wyong and Brisbane on Wednesday- and with a great turnover and attendance though Tye Angland pulled the plug on riding on the night and, we think jockey Alex HW Lai might be lucky to get off without some serious words bellowed in his ear about his riding “tactics” on Happy Champion. And here’s a tip: Wait until Matty Chadwick returns to racing before following the Tony Cruz stable- and, especially, Mega Champion.
What can we look forward to? Well, if you haven’t watched it before, take in a few minutes of the Starship Racing To Win and hope to hell that tipster extraordinaire Wally Pyrah aka Max Headroom- pictured below- makes an appearance on the show.